Any Given Psalmday

(Yes, I think this title is hilarious. No, I don’t care that I’ve already used this image in another post; it’s hilarious and should be recognized for it.)

Psalms, Book III

We’re done with David’s nonsense (mostly), so I’ll try to be more specific about who is writing this stuff.

73-I almost gave up on you, God. I saw wicked guys getting super rich and started to think I was wasting my time worshipping you. But then you completely destroyed those wicked dudes, and I was an idiot to question you. Much love, God. (This Psalm and many to come are by Asaph, a dude David hired to worship God and write this stuff.)

74-What the hell, God? Why are You ignoring Your people and allowing us to be conquered? Remember that our conquerors are jerk faces who don’t love You. Deliver us! (Asaph)

75-Praise God, the ultimate judge and jury! (Asaph)

76-Praise God, because He is scary as hell and might smite you if you don’t. (Asaph)

77-Praise God, because we really need His blessing right now. Also because He made cool stuff for us. (Asaph)

78-(A very concise retelling of all that Israelite history we just spent forever going over.) God saved us, we sucked and so then He disowned us. (Asaph)

79-Uh, God, we are getting destroyed down here! People are seriously kicking our ass! Remember Your people, deliver us! (Asaph)

80-Yeah, still getting destroyed. Save us, already! (Asaph)

81-(Written from God’s perspective) I would save Israel, but you guys won’t quit being assholes or do what I say. (Asaph)

82-God, judge Your people. They’re walking around with no clue! (Asaph)

83-Lots of foreign lands are conspiring to destroy us! Destroy them first, God! (Asaph)

84-God is really cool, and I can’t wait to meet Him! (By the Son of Korah-three Levite priests, I think)

85-You were really good to us, God, but then we were jerks. Don’t be mad forever though, we didn’t really mean it. (Sons of Korah)

86-I really like you, God, so teach me Your ways. Also, save me from my enemies, they’re douche bags. (Notice how that “I” snuck back in? That’s because this psalm is by David.)

87-Zion is the best. (Sons of Korah)

88-(This is the ultimate angsty teenager psalm, the closing line reads, “darkness is my closest friend.”) You have taken everything from me, God. Cut it out. (Thought this was David again? Wrong! But I can see why you might think that. Sons of Korah)

89-You’re awesome, God. But you promised David that You would be on his side forever, and You haven’t kept Your word. So…? (Some dude named Ethan)

Book IV (As much as I’d like to be lazy and just do the one book, I want to be done with these damn Psalms even more.)

90-God, you rock and created everything. Now, be kind to Your people and lift us up. (By Moses)

91-If you really love God, He will save you from anything. (No name)

92-God is awesome, so let’s sing about it! (No name)

93-You’re mightier than all of the stuff You’ve created, God! (No name)

94-God will destroy the wicked. (No name)

95-God got angry at an entire generation, so let’s worship Him and try to avoid that. (No name)

96-Our God is the best god, because He made the earth and all this other cool stuff. (No name)

97-If you’re righteous, praise God. If you’re not… you’re gonna get it. (No name)

98-Sing songs to God, for He will judge us all! (No name)

99-God is mighty and loves justice. (No name)

100-God is good.

101-I am awesome. Others aren’t, and I judge them for it. (By David, of course)

102-You have thrown me aside, God, and I am miserable. Let it be known that God is forever and unchanging, but his people die and are changed like clothing. (By a dying, unnamed man)

103-Praise God, who will hear your prayers and answer them! (David again)

104-God is awesome, so I’m gonna sign about it forever! (No name)

105-(A retelling of Israel up to leaving Egypt) God did cool stuff for us! (No name)

106-(A retelling of Israel after leaving Egypt) God saved us, but we screwed up big time. Praise God, maybe He’ll take pity on us. (No name)

OK. One more book os Psalms to go. Hang in there!


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