Proverbially Speaking

Proverbs 1:1

From what I understand, we are about to embark on a journey through Bible wisdom, the dos and don’ts of being good, God-fearing earthlings. Bon voyage!

Prologue-The proverbs of David and Solomon are intended to help you attain wisdom and discipline. “Fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Are you a fool? Then listen up!

Embrace Wisdom-Do not be enticed by assholes. “They waylay only themselves.” And they gonna get it, so stay away from them. (Wisdom is female, btw. 1:20 “Wisdom calls aloud in the public street, she raises her voice from the public squares.”) Those who listen to wisdom will be ok, but those who do not will be ruined. And I will laugh at them.

Benefits of Wisdom-If you embrace wisdom, you’ll be spared from an adulterous wife, who would bring you to ruin. God loves those who seek wisdom. He “mocks the proud mockers, and but gives grace to the humble.” (Most of these are addressed to “my son.”)

Wisdom is Supreme-“Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

Warning Against Adultery-Don’t try to get with another man’s wife. She is an adulterer and pure evil. Find a nice gal, and “may her breasts satisfy you always.”


Warning Against Folly-“There are six things that Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”

Warning Against Adultery (another one)-It doesn’t matter how hot she is, how flirtatious she is, do NOT sleep with another man’s wife. She evil. It will end in your ruin.

Warning Against the Adulteress-She evil. Medusa evil. And she will use all kinds of evil girl ways to get you to sin with her.

Wisdom’s Call-I am wisdom, aka the shit. “All who hate me love death.”

Invitations of Wisdom and Folly-“Do not rebuke your mocker, or he will hate you. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. Instruct a wise man, and he will be wiser still.” “If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.” (Folly is also a woman.) Folly is an idiot.


Proverbs of Solomon-(Solomon is a long-winded wanker, so get ready. And these are just highlights, there are tons of them.) The righteous, hard working, honest guy=great future. Lazy jerk=ruin. God doesn’t like cheaters. 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” 11:12 “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” 11:25 “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” 12:1 “He who hates correction is stupid.” 12:15 “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” 12:16 “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” 12:19 “Joy for those who promote peace.” 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Oh, dear) 14:10 “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.” 14:13 “Even in laughter, the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.” 14:31 “He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for the Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.” 14:32 “Even in death, the righteous have a refuge.” 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 15:33 “Humility comes before honor.” 16:8 “Better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice.” 16:24 “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” 16:32 “Better a patient man than a warrior.” 17:5 “Whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.” 17:7 “Arrogant lips are unsuited to a fool–how much worse lying lips to a ruler!” 17:26 “It is not good to punish an innocent man, or to flog officials for their integrity.” 18:2 “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions.” 18:13 “He who answers before listening–that is his folly and shame.” 17:17 “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.” 19:11 “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is his glory to overlook an offense.” 19:22 “What a man desires is unfailing love, better to be poor than a liar.” 20:1 “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” 20:3 “Every fool is quick to quarrel.” 21:13 “If a man shuts his ears to the cries of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.” (Last one from Solomon) 22:16 “He who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth and he who gives gifts to the rich–both come to poverty.”


Sayings of the Wise- 22:22 “Do not exploit the poor, because they are poor, and do not crush the needy in court, for the Lord will take up their case and will plunder those who plunder them.” 23:4 “Have the wisdom to show restraint.” 23:13 “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.” (Again, with the child abuse.) 24:17 “Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove.”

Further Sayings of the Wise-24:26 “An honest answer is a like a kiss on the lips.”

More Proverbs of Solomon-(Here we go again) Don’t act like a dick in front of the king. 25:15 “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” 26:16 “If you find honey, eat just enough–too much of it, and you will vomit.” 26:11″ As a dog who returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” 26:18 “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says ‘I was only joking!'” 26:20 “Without gossip a quarrel dies down.” 27:1 “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” 27:12 “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” 28:3 “A ruler who oppresses the poor is like a driving rain that leaves no crops.” 29:1 “A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed.”


Sayings of Agur-(Agur was an oracle, believed to have lived during the time of Solomon.) I’m not that bright. Help me, God. “Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you.” No one should ask for or have too much–it will prove to be their ruin.

Sayings of King Lamuel-(Another oracle) Help those in need. “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Epilogue: The Wife of Nobel Character-A wife of noble character is hard to find and worth her weight in gold. She works her butt off to provide for her family and does not hesitate to help the needy. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

That’s it. We just slayed the entire book of Proverbs. And guess what? I actually like this book. It’s a gem. Read it.



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