Ecclesiastes-The Angsty Teen of the Bible

Ecclesiastes 1:1

And we’ve come to the most depressing of all of the books so far, Ecclesiastes. That is, if you read it like I do (not everyone does). Get ready to really question your life and the meaning of it. This book is widely believed to have been written by Solomon in his older age.

Everything is Meaningless- See title. Everything is Meaningless, and no one will remember you after you die.

Wisdom is Meaningless-Chase after wisdom all you want; you’re still gonna die. 1:18 “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

Pleasures are Meaningless-You can amass all that money can buy, chase every pleasure, but it, too, is meaningless.

Wisdom and Folly are Meaningless-Wise men and fools all die, so what’s the point?

Toil is Meaningless-Work is hard and stupid.


A Time for Everything-(Pretty much that song by The Byrds: Turn, Turn, Turn, “A time to be born, a time to die” etc.) No one can truly understand God, and then we all die.

Oppression, Toil, Friendlessness-All of the things in the subtitle are meaningless and suck.

Advancement is Meaningless-A poor youth is better than a rich, old king. More people will follow behind and believe in the youth. Both are meaningless though.

Stand in Awe of God-Stand in awe–and few words–in front of God. Watch what you say to Him, because whatever you say, you must do.

Riches are Meaningless-5:10 “Whoever has money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is not satisfied with his income.” And guess what? It’s meaningless.


Wisdom-7:3 “Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.” Patience is better than pride. Extremes are always bad. 7:20 “There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.” Don’t listen to what people say, because they’re probably talking badly about you. Bad women can only ensnare the unrighteous. (So stop blaming the ladies for what your dick does, ya dig?) 7:28 “I found one upright man in the thousand , but I found not one upright woman among them all.” (Seems legit)

Obey the King-You made a promise to God to obey your king, so do it! And don’t question the king. It doesn’t matter how miserable you are, do. not. question. the. king. Nobody actually understands the world, so don’t try.

A Common Destiny for All-Good. Bad. Doesn’t matter. We’re all going to die, and we’re all going to the same place when we die. (And the writer isn’t suggesting an afterlife, just death as the end. This is not the part I remember from Sunday school.) Enjoy life now, and live it to the fullest, because you goin’ ta die.

Wisdom Better than Folly-Wisdom is better than folly, but they both suck and can be defeated. Also, life is not fair. Get over it.


Bread Upon the Waters-You can’t understand God or the world, and you can’t foresee what will happen. So don’t try.

Remember Your Creator While Young-Enjoy your life while you are young, because you’re going to get old. And you’re going to die. And no one will remember you. Everything is meaningless.

The Conclusion to the Matter-Everything the writer said is true and good. Live by it. And worship God.

So… what did I tell you? Sad as shit, right? Now, many argue that the point of this passage to make people question life, to find meaning in life and God, or to show what life would be like without a belief in God and the afterlife. Buuuuuuuut I see no proof of that. Seems to me, people are trying to put lipstick on a bulldog. Or is it a pig? Can’t remember. To me, it reads like a sad old man, scared to die. It is, however, beautifully written. And out of much of the advice in the Bible (so far), this might be the most sound. Enjoy your life now, because you don’t know when it will end or what will come after.

Next up, Song of Songs.


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